


Failsafe

by justanotherStonyfan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of potential suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-26 16:56:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanotherStonyfan/pseuds/justanotherStonyfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on <a href="http://hello-adaro.tumblr.com/post/61317186281/em1ree-coroarchenland-ironsoldier-i-got">this post</a>, also posted to tumblr at <a href="http://justanotherstonyfan.tumblr.com/post/61346598622/hello-adaro-em1ree-coroarchenland">my tumblr</a>. Tony keeps a bottle of pills in his nightstand, as a contingency plan. Just in case.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Failsafe

He's looking for Tony's Cap-Shield cufflinks when he finds them, small and unobtrusive under some of the old SHIELD files Tony still keeps in his nightstand drawer, which are under a few handkerchiefs and a tie, and it doesn't take Steve long to figure out why they're there.

It's a small bottle, brown and translucent, with the kind of cap that says _"CHILDPROOF"_ in thick black letters on the top, the kind that you have to squeeze hard to open and even then you have to try twice because the first time it just clicks and clicks.

The side has Tony's full name, and directions for when to take them, and Steve isn't sure what makes him open the bottle and tip out a handful. The point is that, when he does, the bottle is full and none of the pills are the same size. They're vaguely similar but they're all different, all mismatched, and Steve isn't surprised Tony's been able to do this. The amount of scrapes they get in, the numerous times they've all been sent to medical, collecting errant painkillers - or just keeping the one or two he doesn't need at the time - is no problem for Tony. Hell, it wouldn't be a problem for any of them.

And Steve sits down on the bed and stares at the palmful of pills he holds, his mind a whirl. If it were anyone else, he might think this is an emergency stockpile, that this is something he can produce when the stores are closed and medical's too far away. Something he can brandish with a killer smile and offer up with a nonchalant _”is there any problem I can't solve?"_

But Steve knows Tony. And he knows a contingency plan when he sees one.

He puts the pills back in the bottle and sets the bottle down on the nightstand, and then he pulls out the SHIELD file, and he already knows what he'll find. There are no files in the plain manilla folder, only photographs. One of Howard with a woman whose dark hair and eyes remind Steve of Tony, a woman who can't be anyone but Tony's mother. There's one of James Rhodes, smiling, from years before Steve met him, and the Massachusetts Insitute of Technology crest in the corner tells Steve why Rhodes looks so young. There's a picture of Happy Hogan by Tony's limousine, the cover of a magazine that proclaims Pepper Potts CEO of Stark Industries. There's a picture of five of the Avengers standing outside City Hall in their suits, of all of them sitting around a table in Starbucks from one of the gossip rags, one of Bruce grinning over a chemistry set (that was Christmas, two years ago). There's one of Steve in his suit but with the cowl down, the mask removed, and he's laughing.

Steve remembers that day, he was laughing at a joke Tony made. But Tony is absent from all of the pictures - either not in them at all or, more worryingly, cropped out of them.

Steve's just putting the ties and the handkerchief back when Tony walks in. He doesn't even blink.

"They're not gonna be in there, Steve," he says, "I haven't been in there for years. I don't even know what's- oh hey, I like that tie!"

He leans over and fishes the tie out of the drawer, and then he walks away again, and Steve watches him.

"Come on," Tony says on his way out of the door, "I'll use the spare pair. I have a spare pair."

And Steve watches him leave, closing the drawer softly before he stands and follows. They're all in the elevator by the time he gets to speak to Tony again, and Tony's laughing at one of Clint's jokes.

"Hey," Steve says once Tony's caught his breath, and Tony's still grinning when he looks at Steve.

"Yeah?"

"You're an integral part of this team," Steve says, and then he turns. "You all are."

Tony scoffs. "You dying or something?" he says, and Clint chuckles.

"No," Steve answers. "I just...thought I ought to say it. That you all mean a lot to me and I'd...you know, I'd miss you if you weren't here. A-And if anybody needs to talk, ever, if anybody has a problem, then you can always talk to me."

Everybody, Tony included, gives him odd expressions, but it's Tony who leans a little closer and says "You too, Steve. You know that, right?"

Steve nods, because it's better than saying _'I'm not so sure any more.'_

~

Two days later, Steve is sitting on the edge of Tony's bed again, a small notebook in his hands, copies of the uncropped photographs courtesy of J.A.R.V.I.S, and an empty jewellery box on the nightstand that he picked up from a small second-hand store out in Brooklyn.

He's considered what he plans to do for the whole two days, and it comes down to this. He empties Tony's pill bottle into the jewellery box, closes the box and sets it aside. He replaces the cropped photographs in the folder with the uncropped photographs. And then he writes.

When he's done, he puts the note in the pill bottle, the pill bottle back in the nightstand, and he takes the box to his own room and slides it as far under the bed as he can. And then he resolves to put the whole thing out of his mind. If Tony finds the note, and asks for the box, then Steve will cross that bridge then.

~

Tony never needs the pill bottle. He goes to throw it out the next time he finds it - which is another seven years down the line. But it's empty when he does, a light weight in his hand, and he opens it to find out why and finds a small note instead of mismatched pills.

Tony tucks the note in the manilla file and throws the empty bottle in the trash and, just once in the next decade, in the middle of one of his more terrible nights, he opens the nightstand with the intent of just holding the bottle in his hand, of just knowing it's there, of just knowing he has an out.

He finds the folder instead, and he opens it to look for the note, finding the image of himself with his parents. He finds the graduation photograph of himself and Rhodey. The Avengers, the six of them at Starbucks, that photo of him and Pepper, that picture of him and Happy, of him and Bruce, him and Steve.

And the finds the note. The small scrap of yellowing paper is dry and faded, but the words handwritten in pen are still legible.

_If you want them,_ it says, _I'll give them to you. If you truly need them, all you have to do is ask. But know that we love you. I love you. Come and find me. Because, whatever you choose, you're not alone any more. Steve._

__Tony puts the folder back, and goes to sleep._ _


End file.
